Santa kissed me under the mistletoe
tasted like egg nog and it was gross
said he was lonely and it had been a while
the elves run frantic when they see that look in his eyes
he sat me down and went on and on
wouldn't shut up about how Mrs. Claus had gone
he said the plumber must've done something right
he fixed her pipes and she paid him back all through the night...

fa la la la la la [x4]

Santa kissed me under the mistletoe
i guess i'm wondering how far this would go
we talked and drank until it was light
then the bartender kicked us out 'cause we got into a fight
but i kept thinking of the swag for free
besides the old geezer needs some company
well i've been broke this year
it wouldn't be so bad
i hate to admit it, but he's the best i've ever had....

fa la la la la la [x4]

Santa kissed me and i kissed him back
but i did it for the toys
figured i could get something more
than i did from other boys
Santa kissed me and i kissed him back
but i did it for the toys
smiled at me and wanted to see if i would

but he's a pervert you can tell by his smile
or check the NAMBLA membership locked in his files
that big red suit and jolly face is a disguise
he only took it for the joys of little kids bouncing on his thighs
he drives me crazy now, he calls me all the time
i'm gonna dump him as soon as i get what's mine
guess i should really reveal my family ties
he won't get a clue so i hit him with a matzo ball
right between the eyes...

fa la la la la la [x4]

santa kissed me and i kissed him back
but i did it for the toys
figured i could get something more
than i did from other boys
santa kissed me and i kissed him back
but i did it for the toys
smiled at me and wanted to see if i would [x4]

what a loser!